THOUGHTS ON A YOUNG LIFE CUT SHORT

I found out recently that a young man I knew had passed away. His name was Matt and he was my oldest daughters first love. He was only 26 when he passed. I haven't been able to find out how but there are rumors that he may have committed suicide, which would not surprise me. People who know my family might find it strange that i feel such deep sadness for this young man. My daughter's husband was very angry when he realized that Bonni was so upset over it. He felt that it was "good riddance to bad rubbish" and that Bonni should feel the same. He, like a lot of people, don't really get that you can hate the sin but love the sinner. You see, at one time Bonni was planning to marry Matt but that was before alcohol and a very violent temper and stalking ruined any chance they had at happiness.

Matt was the first boy that Bonni really "fell in love" with. He worked very hard to come between her and another boy she was dating named Michael. Matt thought that Bonni was the epitome of everything a guy could ever want in a girl. He was crazy about her. Unfortunately, to shorten the story a bit, Matt had a drinking problem and had been raised very differently from Bonni. When crossed, he was mean as a rattlesnake and strong as an ox. I witnessed that strength myself when he came up to where I was talking to Michael one day and beat him to a bloody pulp, sending him to the emergency room. He never laid a finger on a woman, including Bonni; in fact, he was as gentle and loving with her as a man could be but he really felt that it was his duty as a "man" to beat into submission any man who dared to cross him. He had been carefully taught this attitude by his father and his grandfather. Men beating people was a fact of his life from his earliest days.

When Bonni tried to break up with Matt, he began stalking her. We learned from the police that he had been served with restraining orders before to no avail as well as having been convicted with assault and battery and assault with a deadly weapon on numerous occasions. The courts rarely held him for more than 30 days before paroling him - even when the offense broke an already existing parole! The officer actually advised us to send Bonni away for a while if possible. So we did - to her father's in Oklahoma. Matt somehow found out the phone number and called Bonni constantly. Her Dad offered to get an unlisted number but Bonni really wanted to help Matt understand that he had some really severe problems that would have to be dealt with before he could think about committing himself to a relationship. She hated his behavior and his addictions but that didn't mean that she suddenly hated him or didn't care what happened to him. Many people don't understand that. Eventually, Bonni met someone else and Matt finally stopped calling but he told her that without her, he would never get married or have a family. He didn't.

Our entire family ended up moving to Oklahoma over this young man's behavior and that is supposed to make us hate him. I feel that we were meant to come to Oklahoma and I am thankful that we did. I just wish that I, or someone - anyone, could have reached this young man. He spent many hours at our home. He had the same wonderful potential that any healthy, intelligent young man has when God sends him here; he just didn't have anyone to show him the right way to live or that sometimes compassion or patience can show more strength than fighting.

Matt would come to our house late at night when his own family was in yet another upheaval. He would ride up on his 4 wheeler and come in, knowing that I was a night owl, just to talk to me. He wouldn't try to wake Bonni; he just needed someone to talk to. Someone who represented the kind of family life that he was trying so hard to believe in but it seemed like just a fairy tale. A family where noone hits anyone else. A family that went to church together and to the park for picnics. He really wanted to be able to be like that. He wanted it with Bonni. But the demons that had hold of Matt were planted in his heart too young and too firmly for him to fight.

A young man passed away last week never really feeling the unconditional love and acceptance of a closeknit family and to me, that is the saddest thing in the world.