I'm Back

This is not easy for me to share but I want my blog to be an open and honest representation of who I am so here goes. I pray that I won't seem too much of a "loser".

It has been 8 months since I posted anything here. I have missed it. I have had some adventures and some traumas and I am, in fact, in the midst of yet more drama as we "speak". The very, very short version of where I have been is that I was thrown into the Creek County jail because I was driving without a driver's license and had several unpaid traffic tickets. I had missed the court date which caused a "failure to appear" charge of $1000 over and above the cost of the tickets plus an extra $27 per day which accrued for the time that I was a guest of the county. Yes, you must pay for the privilege of sharing a cell with 27 other women. When you finally get to court, the judge may or may not cut you a break and count time served and reduce your fines, thankfully my judge did once I finally went before her. That took much longer than usual because our little courthouse was overwhelmed with the ongoing trial of a judge caught doing nasty things while on the bench... and yes I mean while on the bench... during trials. Eeewww. I was not allowed to post bond and leave because I was charged with failure to appear. So I watched people charged with manufacturing meth and child abuse bond out while I sat... and sat.

I was in there until just before Thanksgiving. My family did not have the money to get me out. If they did, the tickets would have been paid and my license reinstated. There is a serious catch-22 for people who get into situations where their license is suspended... and trust me it is getting easier every day for them to suspend your license.

For those of you who don't know me well, let me assure you that I have never, ever gotten behind the wheel of a vehicle while impaired. My most serious crime was letting my insurance lapse. Stupid, yes. Irresponsible, yes even though I truly felt that I had no alternative at the time. I won't go into the whole sad story of why I felt that I had no choice but to drive with a suspended license... the fact is, it would have to be a matter of immediate life or death to get me behind the wheel without a valid license and insurance now. My point is that there are many people out there who really have no idea how horribly close their lives may be to total chaos and upheaval. I am a very good, very careful, very experienced driver. I was stopped for having a head light out. I had renewed the insurance and paid one of my tickets but there were warrants on the unpaid tickets. Yes, as a matter of fact, I do feel like a bona fide village idiot.

I spent nearly two months in jail being treated like a very dumb animal You really can't imagine how they treat you - one example; I was being transported to a bond hearing and the officer in charge became enraged because the ankle shackles weren't on me because my right leg is permanently enlarged due to blood clots and nerve damage. I am already a big girl and my leg really is huge. The guard tried but they just wouldn't go around it. He threatened to "make them fit" and I told him he could cause me to become crippled to throw a blood clot to my heart or lung - that has happened before. He got in my face belittling and threatening me until his face was so purple that the booking officer told him he was going to have a heart attack if he didn't chill out.)

Meanwhile, my kids had to move all of our possessions out of our home, sell what they could (including the computer - hence I am just now back six months later), stay with my oldest child and her husband who made a pass at my then 17 yo (they are in the process of a divorce now), let our truck be repossessed (I still have no transportation) and many other sad, scary things. They all hung in there like troopers and I am soooo proud of them. I paid for my mistakes with nearly $2000 as well as several weeks of fear and worry for all of us. It was a terrifying time for me and for my entire family but we found out what really, truly matters at the end of the day. We had nothing but each other and an empty farmhouse when I came out of that jail but, you know what... that was plenty.