SOCIALIZATION REVISITED

When I first began homeschooling in 1992, people often expressed doubt about my sanity. Can you really teach your own child? But you didn't finish your degree! Boy, I'd go crazy if my kids were all home all the time!!! I was made to feel like there was something wrong with the fact that I loved being with my children and that I was arrogant to think I could handle the education of my (then) 8 year old son. Well, I figured I managed third grade just fine so it was worth a try;o) Actually, that is a whole, long 'nother story. Nowadays there are few who really question whether or not homeschooling can turn out well educated people; it has been proven time and again that it can and does. My topic today is socialization.

I doubt there is a homeschooler on the planet who hasn't been asked, "Aren't you worried about socialization?" Frequently it is asked in a genuinely concerned tone while at other times it is more of an accusation. It took years for me to get through that question without flinching.

I went through phases. At first, I would be intimidated. I would fumble around talking about how hard I was going to work at making sure Cameron was exposed to lots of activities with other kids. Then came the defensive/annoyed phase. Oh for pete's sake; you don't really think that kids are gaining anything valuable in
that area in public school do you? Puhlease! Lately, though, I think I have evolved. By golly, I may get all mature and stuff yet;o) Actually, what I got was educated on the subject.

Hmmm, educated; yes, I learned something. I read and studied the writings of many different people on different sides of the education question. I studied the roots of American public education and its goals. And I didn't take a class to do it; I did it on my own because I had a desire to understand the subject. But I digress;o) Nowadays when I am asked about socialization, I ask a question of my own. What, exactly, do you mean by socialization? I ask this question in all sincerity; I'm not being sarcastic or snotty. The definition of socialization
is thus:

socialization
A noun
1 socialization, socialisation, acculturation, enculturation; the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture
[from WordReference.com]

May I also submit the definition of socialism:
socialism
A noun
1 socialism: a political theory advocating state ownership of industry

Now, the American education system was based on the Prussian system which was unabashedly formed to create good little socialist citizens. Noone pretended that independent thought or individuality was of any importance whatsoever. True academics were discouraged except for an elite few - about 8% of the children. Might socialization viewed in this light be seen as advocating the "state ownership" of our children? When we also consider the atmosphere and "behavior patterns" found in most public schools today, if I am asked if I wish my children to be encultured to the behavior patterns of the average public school, I answer no without apology.

The thing I've come to realize is that most people mean something entirely different. And if they ask the question sincerely, I am happy to discuss it with them. What most people are concerned about is that kids who don't go to public school will never learn a) how to get along with their peers and b) to deal with adversity. I'll deal with these one at a time.

First, we have getting along with peers. Well, I suppose we have to define peers first.

peer
n 1: a person who is of equal standing with another in a group
[syn: equal, match, compeer]
[from dict.die.net]

Okey-dokey. Next, we must ask ourselves who are our child's peers? As far as their age-mates in the public schools, suffice it to say that my children are, thankfully, not of equal standing with them. They really feel very little in common or comradeship with many of those kids. Is that bad? Nope. Thank you Jesus. If there are age-mates around who share their values and morals, they are more likely to find them at church or at interest based activities such as leadership clubs, 4-H, scouting, rodeos, drama and improv troupes and singing groups among many others, not to mention the many sports and interest groups formed especially for homeschoolers.

But are peers necessarily age-mates? Again, nope! I love being around homeschooled kids. When they are young, they are quite likely to be very exuberant and energetic. In other words, they would probably drive a classroom teacher crazy. But they are so much closer to what children really should be. Children are built to learn by doing and while on the move. But, again, that is another subject.

As they get a little older, homeschoolers are just as likely to identify with elderly neighbor who teaches them to tie flies as they are the skateboarder on the next block. I've sat in quilting bees with grandmothers, young mothers and homeschooled kids. They chatted and had a blast. Do you think the public schoolers would consider this cool? Probably not. But who is better "socialized" in terms of society and the world?

There is a misconception that young homeschoolers are never exposed to anyone other than the people in their parents' church. I find this to be very rarely true. We are devout Christians but we are friends with people who are Muslim, Pagan, Jewish etc. There are many different "peer groups" out there. I think the tragedy is that the average public school student is given such a narrow view of what his should be. Most public schooled kids are into their own little clicks of kids who are their same age, race, religion, economic background, etc. Who is better"socialized" in terms of a country commonly referred to as a melting pot?

The second concern out there is that homeschooled children will not learn to deal with adversity. This is the one that leads to such brilliant observations as, "Kids will never learn to say no to drugs if they don't go to school where the drug dealers are" and "he'll never learn to stand up for himself if he never deals with the bullies in school." Alrighty then. I firmly believe that if I raise my child to love and respect his fellowman and to expect the same and to know that he deserves the same - as any child of God does - then when he is confronted with adversity, he will deal with it in a mature and responsible way. Period.

We put these kids out there on their own for so many hours of their day from such a young age (and getting younger every year - 3 year old kindergarten anyone? Oh wait, that is called Head Start) that many of them become beaten down and confused before they ever reach an age or maturity level sufficient to stand for their convictions. By the time they go to school, do their homework, eat their supper and bathe, their parents don't have any time with them. So how are they to instill all the confidence, hope, faith and trust that they need to deal with those issues? We are, in essence, turning our children over to the teachers. There are many wonderful people in the teaching profession but conservative or individualistic values are given no quarter in public schools so parents who hold those values dear are fighting an uphill battle to pass them on. So the kids are left with confusing, conflicting views at a very young and impressionable age. Trial by fire is not a great philosophy when dealing with young children's lives.

I saw a woman on Oprah one day who had seen the devastating effects of the public school attitude toward peer relations and bullying. Her son had been bullied for years, very badly at times. The school just seemed to think that the boy needed to learn to deal with it. The woman came in one day and found her son dead at his own hand. He had blown his face off with a gun. She said, "his outside finally matched the way he had been feeling on the inside all those years." How horrifying. But I will never forget what she said when Oprah asked her if there was anything she wished she had done differently. She said she wished she had taken him out of the school. She didn't really realize that she even had that right.

So is socialization a problem that homeschoolers need to address? No, socialization is an issue that every parent had best give some serious time and thought to if they want their children to be "encultured to adopt the behavior patterns" of the kind of people they want their children to be. And you might want to take a long hard look at the culture that exists in their school. It is a whole different world than it was even ten years ago. Is it a culture that you wish your child to become encultured to? If not, do you really want them spending a minimum of 40 hours per week immersed in it?