MY "SOCIAL MISFITS"

Here are a couple of pics of my own little misfits;o)



This is my 24 year old, Bonni and her little pudding, Trey.



This is my 21 year old, Cameron with his beloved nephews, Trey and Braiden, Bonni's one and two year old boys.


This is Cheyenne, 17. She is beautiful, talented and gracious. We should all be such misfits;o)


This is my 11 year old Ginibug8O)


This is Harmoni. She may be 9 now but she is still my "baby";p

SOCIALIZATION REVISITED

When I first began homeschooling in 1992, people often expressed doubt about my sanity. Can you really teach your own child? But you didn't finish your degree! Boy, I'd go crazy if my kids were all home all the time!!! I was made to feel like there was something wrong with the fact that I loved being with my children and that I was arrogant to think I could handle the education of my (then) 8 year old son. Well, I figured I managed third grade just fine so it was worth a try;o) Actually, that is a whole, long 'nother story. Nowadays there are few who really question whether or not homeschooling can turn out well educated people; it has been proven time and again that it can and does. My topic today is socialization.

I doubt there is a homeschooler on the planet who hasn't been asked, "Aren't you worried about socialization?" Frequently it is asked in a genuinely concerned tone while at other times it is more of an accusation. It took years for me to get through that question without flinching.

I went through phases. At first, I would be intimidated. I would fumble around talking about how hard I was going to work at making sure Cameron was exposed to lots of activities with other kids. Then came the defensive/annoyed phase. Oh for pete's sake; you don't really think that kids are gaining anything valuable in
that area in public school do you? Puhlease! Lately, though, I think I have evolved. By golly, I may get all mature and stuff yet;o) Actually, what I got was educated on the subject.

Hmmm, educated; yes, I learned something. I read and studied the writings of many different people on different sides of the education question. I studied the roots of American public education and its goals. And I didn't take a class to do it; I did it on my own because I had a desire to understand the subject. But I digress;o) Nowadays when I am asked about socialization, I ask a question of my own. What, exactly, do you mean by socialization? I ask this question in all sincerity; I'm not being sarcastic or snotty. The definition of socialization
is thus:

socialization
A noun
1 socialization, socialisation, acculturation, enculturation; the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture
[from WordReference.com]

May I also submit the definition of socialism:
socialism
A noun
1 socialism: a political theory advocating state ownership of industry

Now, the American education system was based on the Prussian system which was unabashedly formed to create good little socialist citizens. Noone pretended that independent thought or individuality was of any importance whatsoever. True academics were discouraged except for an elite few - about 8% of the children. Might socialization viewed in this light be seen as advocating the "state ownership" of our children? When we also consider the atmosphere and "behavior patterns" found in most public schools today, if I am asked if I wish my children to be encultured to the behavior patterns of the average public school, I answer no without apology.

The thing I've come to realize is that most people mean something entirely different. And if they ask the question sincerely, I am happy to discuss it with them. What most people are concerned about is that kids who don't go to public school will never learn a) how to get along with their peers and b) to deal with adversity. I'll deal with these one at a time.

First, we have getting along with peers. Well, I suppose we have to define peers first.

peer
n 1: a person who is of equal standing with another in a group
[syn: equal, match, compeer]
[from dict.die.net]

Okey-dokey. Next, we must ask ourselves who are our child's peers? As far as their age-mates in the public schools, suffice it to say that my children are, thankfully, not of equal standing with them. They really feel very little in common or comradeship with many of those kids. Is that bad? Nope. Thank you Jesus. If there are age-mates around who share their values and morals, they are more likely to find them at church or at interest based activities such as leadership clubs, 4-H, scouting, rodeos, drama and improv troupes and singing groups among many others, not to mention the many sports and interest groups formed especially for homeschoolers.

But are peers necessarily age-mates? Again, nope! I love being around homeschooled kids. When they are young, they are quite likely to be very exuberant and energetic. In other words, they would probably drive a classroom teacher crazy. But they are so much closer to what children really should be. Children are built to learn by doing and while on the move. But, again, that is another subject.

As they get a little older, homeschoolers are just as likely to identify with elderly neighbor who teaches them to tie flies as they are the skateboarder on the next block. I've sat in quilting bees with grandmothers, young mothers and homeschooled kids. They chatted and had a blast. Do you think the public schoolers would consider this cool? Probably not. But who is better "socialized" in terms of society and the world?

There is a misconception that young homeschoolers are never exposed to anyone other than the people in their parents' church. I find this to be very rarely true. We are devout Christians but we are friends with people who are Muslim, Pagan, Jewish etc. There are many different "peer groups" out there. I think the tragedy is that the average public school student is given such a narrow view of what his should be. Most public schooled kids are into their own little clicks of kids who are their same age, race, religion, economic background, etc. Who is better"socialized" in terms of a country commonly referred to as a melting pot?

The second concern out there is that homeschooled children will not learn to deal with adversity. This is the one that leads to such brilliant observations as, "Kids will never learn to say no to drugs if they don't go to school where the drug dealers are" and "he'll never learn to stand up for himself if he never deals with the bullies in school." Alrighty then. I firmly believe that if I raise my child to love and respect his fellowman and to expect the same and to know that he deserves the same - as any child of God does - then when he is confronted with adversity, he will deal with it in a mature and responsible way. Period.

We put these kids out there on their own for so many hours of their day from such a young age (and getting younger every year - 3 year old kindergarten anyone? Oh wait, that is called Head Start) that many of them become beaten down and confused before they ever reach an age or maturity level sufficient to stand for their convictions. By the time they go to school, do their homework, eat their supper and bathe, their parents don't have any time with them. So how are they to instill all the confidence, hope, faith and trust that they need to deal with those issues? We are, in essence, turning our children over to the teachers. There are many wonderful people in the teaching profession but conservative or individualistic values are given no quarter in public schools so parents who hold those values dear are fighting an uphill battle to pass them on. So the kids are left with confusing, conflicting views at a very young and impressionable age. Trial by fire is not a great philosophy when dealing with young children's lives.

I saw a woman on Oprah one day who had seen the devastating effects of the public school attitude toward peer relations and bullying. Her son had been bullied for years, very badly at times. The school just seemed to think that the boy needed to learn to deal with it. The woman came in one day and found her son dead at his own hand. He had blown his face off with a gun. She said, "his outside finally matched the way he had been feeling on the inside all those years." How horrifying. But I will never forget what she said when Oprah asked her if there was anything she wished she had done differently. She said she wished she had taken him out of the school. She didn't really realize that she even had that right.

So is socialization a problem that homeschoolers need to address? No, socialization is an issue that every parent had best give some serious time and thought to if they want their children to be "encultured to adopt the behavior patterns" of the kind of people they want their children to be. And you might want to take a long hard look at the culture that exists in their school. It is a whole different world than it was even ten years ago. Is it a culture that you wish your child to become encultured to? If not, do you really want them spending a minimum of 40 hours per week immersed in it?

THINGS THAT REALLY PISS ME OFF #1 - Outlaw the Pit Bulls

I've been having trouble feeling inspired to blog because I haven't been feeling very well but today, I did what I usually do after church - I read the Sunday paper. It dawned on me that all I have to do to find something I want to rant about is to read the paper;o) So, I am thinking of making this a series - "Things That Really Piss Me Off". Here is thing number one.

Here in Oklahoma, there is a contingent of people who are writing a bill to try to make it illegal to have a "Pit Bull" in the state of Oklahoma. Apparently the city of Denver Colorado has successfully put into place a city ordinance outlawing pits in the city. For those who want to know where I am coming down on this before they read on, please check out exhibit A below:




This little baby girl is my sweet Princess Jade. She is being picked on by my calico kitten Jewel who Princess thinks is her baby. This dog is the best dog I have ever had. She is loyal, intelligent, obedient and has the patience of a saint with my grandsons who think she is their pony.

Princess was a rescue. She had been the dog of a druggie gang member who lived near us before we got smart and relocated. She would get loose and run to our house every chance she got. Our next door neighbor knew who she belonged to and would take her and the ginormous chain she was dragging back to her "homey". Then, one day, she showed up and next door neighbor says, "Oh, homey got shot... I guess she'll have to go to the pound." My two kids, Cheyenne and Cameron said, "Let me handle that for you - I have a truck after all." We were in the process of moving at the time. I figured I would find someone with a big country place who would give her a home. I had no idea I would totally fall in love with her. I didn't want to keep her on a chain and I don't have a fenced yard so I thought I would have to find her another place for her own good.

Enter my psycho next door neighbor who is much more like a "female dog" than Princess ever dreamed of being. She is one of those PETA types who would get mad if she saw the dog getting rained on in the middle of the summer. Literally - she screamed and cursed at me over that exact thing and then, when I wouldn't put her at the front of my house where there was shelter (the truck) which is against our neighborhood ordinances, she kept going and letting the dog off her chain every time I turned my back. I called the police and in the meantime brought her into the house. I discovered quite quickly that this dog had the best house manners of any dog I ever saw in my life. She figured out within 24 hours that she needed to let us know when she needed to go and we would take her; she doesn't chew on things and is polite to visitors. And she totally adopted our kitten as her own precious baby. Her favorite spot is under my chair or bed - wherever I am. Well, I realize that Princess or any other wonderful Pit is just going to be considered anecdotal evidence - not really important in the big picture. But doesn't that mean that any individual vicious Pit is just anecdotal evidence....? Anyway....

My main problem with the whole idea of outlawing Pits - which are, by the way, Terriers not Bulldogs- is that it is pointless at best. There is a rumor that Pits are vicious by nature. They are not vicious by nature ,they are trained to be vicious. One law officer was quoted in the Tulsa World today as saying, "Pit Bulls are the dog of choice for two sectors of society - druggies and gang members." Now, in Tulsa, and I would suppose in many other cities, that is probably somewhat true. Does that mean we should extinct them? I'm telling you there is no point. We'll set aside for now the fact that, especially in rural Oklahoma, there is a large number of regular "good-ole-boy" types who love these dogs. You will see them in the back of pickup trucks across every county in the state (including mine). Just addressing the whole "criminal element" aspect; the gang-bangers train these dogs to be vicious and to attack officers etc which warps them. That is wrong and I would have no problem whatsoever with any reasonable law directed at making it illegal to have a vicious dog or making it a chargeable offense if your dog attacks anyone, including an officer. There are higher instances of these dogs attacking people because these dogs are so frequently taught to be vicious. Let's put the responsibility for that where it belongs - on the owner involved, not the dog. Vicious dogs need to be destroyed. The owners need to face stiff fines and depending on the situation, jail time.

There is another rumor that Pits are somehow mentally unstable and even if they seem nice, they will turn on you without warning. I know that there are people who will believe that til the end but I am telling you that it is an urban legend. If they are treated right and healthy - no tumors or organic conditions, they will "turn on you" exactly as often as a German Shephard or Dachsund.

The criminals choose these dogs because they are very strong, very intelligent and very loyal and territorial. If we extinct the pits, they will simply go to other dogs with those qualities - Dobermans, Rottweillers, German Shephards etc. Extincting an entire breed - which is the goal of the prospective legislation - is incredibly short sighted and foolish and would set a horrible precedent - not to mention a tiny little detail - it would be totally unconstitutional.

I'VE BEEN TAGGED

I've never been tagged before. Hmmm. I guess that makes me a tag virgin;o)
My friend Lea, aka Min, sent me these questions.

Q1: What is your favorite night-time snack?

Q2: If you could choose 3 comfort items to take with you for a year on a desert island, what would they be?

Q3: Why did you choose each item?

Q4: What is your first memory?


1: My favorite night-time snack would probably be tortilla chips and salsa. Of course, if I'm being really bad, it's cookie dough. Oooh yeah!

2-3: If I were going to be on a deserted island, I would want a stack of good books, a ton of mail order catalogs and my comforter and gel mattress to sleep on (does that count as two?) I love camping out and stuff but I don't do well without a soft place to lie at the end of the day;o) I am a mail order catalog nut. I can waste hours and hours looking through catalogs and making lists of everything I want from them and books are far and away the best way to "escape". I guess we should be thinking about things that would make it easier for us to survive but for me, great ways to pass the time and a good nights sleep make everything more bearable8O)

4: My first memory... Hmmm, let me think a minute. I can't really remember much before about age 7 or 8 because of PTSS (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome) so my first memory is of sitting in the big mimosa tree in our front yard with my neighbor Mickey in Bartlesville Oklahoma. I used to sit up there for hours. I would do my homework up there! Even back then, I wanted to escape the "town" atmosphere and pretend I was in the wilderness. That hasn't changed.

Thanks Min!! I love thinking about goofy stuff like this.

NOT EXACTLY THE LION AND THE LAMB....

This is our dog, Princess, and our bobtail calico, Jewel. Princess is the most patient and sweet dog in the world. And Jewel... well, Jewel is a stinker.

MEN - ROFLMAO

This is another fun forward from my friend Jim. Actually, I wonder if this one didn't come from his wife Linda;o)

Men are like....

1. Men are like .........Laxatives ...... They irritate the s**t out of you.
2. Men are like .......Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ........Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .Blenders ...... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, &they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ....Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ........Government Bonds ....... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ........Mascara ...... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .....Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like ... Snowstorms ...... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like ..Parking Spots ........ All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know !!!!!!!!!!

CHEYENNE

This is my pride n joy (at least one of em), Cheyenne.

CHEYENNE'S PRIDE N JOY

The picture below is Cheyenne's 3 year old quarter horse, Rhiannon. She is a sweet little dun who became very attached to Cheyenne right away. Unfortunately, she is pretty high strung and a few days after we brought her home, she got upset that Cheyenne was leaving her and tried to run into the fence. She came to a sudden stop and reared up. When she came down, she imbedded a tee post into her chest about 6 inches. Yuck! Vet bill number one and training postponed for about a month.

Fast forward to last week. Her wound is almost healed and she is allowed out with the other horses again. She then proceeded to pick a fight with the resident dominant mare, Zipper. Zipper has shoes. Zipper nailed Rhiannon. Vet bill number two and training postponed a few more weeks.

I really think Rhe-rhe (as Cheyenne calls her) will turn out to be a really good horse but it is frustrating. Especially since Clint has decided that, in view of her two incidents, she is a worthless clown. Of course, he also proclaimed her "lame for life" when Zipper kicked her. He was sure the leg was broken. Can you say "pessimist"? Man I wish we could hurry up and find land to buy.

RHIANNON

NOSTALGIA

Kind of a head trip this afternoon. I haven't been out that much lately cause of the heat but today was beautiful and not as hot as it has been so I went to Tulsa. As I was passing the movie marquee, I glimpsed some titles showing; the top three (all I had time to catch as I drove by) were Bewitched, Herbie the Love Bug and The Longest Yard. Wow, everything old is new all over again. I'm having flashbacks of Burt Reynolds and Dean whatsisname, Elizabeth Montgomery and some guy with long hair and a bong wearing a loincloth at that outdoor concert.... Wait, wrong flashback;o)

My thoughts:

I don't like Nicole Kidman - she's no Liz M.;o) She's a slut-puppy IMHO and turns every character she plays into one. So having her play a character as sweetly nostalgic as Samantha Stephens is a joke. It would be like having Pamela Anderson play I Dream of Jeannie. OMG. Not going to that one.

I'll have to see The Longest Yard because I love Adam Sandler and football.

Herbie - well, I have kids, see, so I will end up having to get it from netflix if I don't take them to see it. And if I let their big brother take them to it they will drive me batty insisting that I "have to see it, Mom, you just have to, you'll love it Mom, I promise. It is sooooooo good, Mom, you really have to see it." So, I'm really hoping it comes to the drive-in. Now if they just don't pair it with House of Wax or some such.... or Bewitched.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and
his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they
began to have a good conversation. They talked about
so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God,
the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."
"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well,
you just have to go out in the street to realize
that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists,
would there be so many sick people? Would there be
abandoned children? If God existed, there would be
neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving
God who would allow all of these things."

The custom er thought for a moment, but didn't
respond because he didn't want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left
the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw
a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair
and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop
again and he said to the barber: "You know what?
Barbers do not exist." "How can you say that?" asked
the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber.
And I just worked on you!" "No!" the customer
exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did,
there would be no people with dirty long hair and
untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people
do not come to me."

"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the
point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is,
people don't go to Him and do not look for Him.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the
world."

THE SAD CAFE - THE EAGLES

This is one of my all time favorite songs by one of the best rock groups in history!

Out in the shiny night the rain was
softly falling
The tracks that ran down the boulevard
had all been washed away
Out of the silver light the past came
softly calling
And I remembered the times we spent
Inside the Sad Cafe

Oh, it seemed like a holy place
Protected by amazing grace
And we would sing right out loud
The things we could not say
We thought we could change this world
With words like "love" and "freedom"
We were part of the lonely crowd
Inside the Sad Cafe

Oh, expecting to fly
We would meet on that beautiful shore
in the sweet by and by

Some of their dreams came true
Some just passed away
And some of them stayed behind
Inside the Sad Cafe

The clouds rolled in and hid that shore
Now that Glory Train, it don't
stop here no more

Now I look at the years gone by
And wonder at the powers that be
I don't know why fortune smiles on some
And lets the rest go free

Maybe the time has drawn the faces I recall
But things in this life change very
slowly if they ever change at all
There's no use in asking why
It just turned out that way
So meet me at midnight, baby
Inside the Sad Cafe
Why don't you meet me at midnight, baby
Inside the Sad Cafe

4TH OF JULY QUOTE

Intellectually I know that America is no better than any other country; emotionally I know she is better than every other country. Author: Sinclair Lewis 1885-1951, First American Novelist to win the Nobel Prize for literature

THIS IS MY VIRGINIA

100 THINGS ABOUT ME 1-10

1. I was named after my grandma Natalie Bittick.
2. My 11 year old, Virginia (Gini)is named after her too. Natalie Virginia Bittick. In spite of having a beautiful name, she was called Toppy most of her life. I never even knew I was named after her until I was about 12 years old cause I always called her Grandma Toppy.
3. I was in foster homes during my sophomore year of high school due to an alcoholic step-dad.
4. I went to Cashion Public School from 7th grade through the first half of 12th grade. My Mom left my (step) Dad in December of my Senior year and, although friends offered to let me stay with them so I could finish with my class, I elected to be with my Mom and moved to Guthrie High School for my last semester of high school.
5. I can grow garden vegetables but I kill houseplants with remarkable efficiency.
6. I played Golde from Fiddler on the Roof in the school play my Senior year (at Cashion - before the move).
7. I am an absolute addict of Phantom of the Opera. The stage production, the older movies, and especially the new movie with Gerard Butler.
8. Gerard Butler makes me drool like a teething baby;o}
9. I have a brother, Brian, who looks JUST like Alan Jackson - gets asked for autographs and everything.
10. Everyone in my family sings except my brother Brian. Go figure.

A FEW GREAT QUOTES

If you sincerely desire a truly well-rounded education, you must study the extremists, the obscure and nutty. You need the balance! Your poor brain is already being impregnated with middle-of-the-road crap, twenty-four hours a day, no matter what. Network TV, newspapers, radio, magazines at the supermarket... even if you never watch, read, listen, or leave your house, even if you are deaf and blind, the telepathic pressure alone of the uncountable normals surrounding you will insure that you are automatically well-grounded in consensus reality. Author: Rev. Ivan Stang


So long as a man rides his Hobby-Horse peaceably and quietly along the King's highway, and neither compels you or me to get up behind him -- pray, Sir, what have either you or I to do with it? Author: Laurence Sterne 1713-1768, British Author


It is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry; for this delicate little plant, aside from stimulation, stands mainly in need of freedom; without this it goes to wrack & ruin without fail. It is a very grave mistake to think that the enjoyment of seeing & searching can be promoted by means of coercion & a sense of duty. To the contrary, I believe that it would be possible to rob even a healthy beast of prey of its voraciousness, if it were possible, with the aid of a whip, to force the beast to devour continuously, even when not hungry, especially if the food, handed out under such coercion, were to be selected accordingly Author: Albert Einstein


The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes. Author: Mark Twain 1835-1910, American Humorist, Writ


A man's country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle; and patriotism is loyalty to that principle.
Author: George William Curtis 1824-1892, American Journalist


Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ''Embraceable You'' in spats. Author: Woody Allen 1935-,

MY HEALTH SITCH (LONG AND SAD)

I guess I'll get this out of the way. This post is going to be kind of a drag so feel free to skip it unless this is an area of particular interest to you. I am writing it for future reference when I refer to things I am doing health and diet-wise and you wonder what the heck I am thinking;) Here is a general summary of my health problems and what I am doing to live with or overcome them, as the case may be. At any rate trying to postpone dying from them for a while.

I have been overweight most of my life. That is an underlying cause of many of my health problems, I am sure. It is not THE PROBLEM. For example, I would have MG even if I wasn't overweight but it would undoubtedly be easier to manage if my body weren't already overtaxed with this weight. I desperately need to lose weight because it is most certainly an aggravating factor in many of my conditions.

First, I have a blood clotting problem. I have been hospitalized several times with major, huge, fugly blood clots - most recently in April of this year. Three times in my right leg (from groin to back of knee, actually) and once with one that broke off and traveled to my lung. The severity of the clots in my leg has permanently damaged the veins. My right leg is weaker than the left, significantly larger and hurts all the time. I have to keep it elevated for several hours a day or else it swell to the point that I can't wear my pants. I have been told that it will probably have to be amputated eventually if I don't stay on my blood thinners and lose weight.

I also have degenerative disc disease in my back. I have ruptured discs twice and have a compressed disc (or two) now. The doctors refuse to do surgery on my back because of the blood clotting disorder.

Alert: those with non God based worldviews may find this part annoying but oh well. I knows what I knows. The doctor told me after the second ruptured disc that I would not walk again. And that I would not sit or stand without a lot of pain. He gave me perscriptions for enough pain meds to fell an ox and sent me home. On the way home, I stopped at friends from church (my church is Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) and they gave me a priesthood blessing. They said my Father in Heaven wanted me to be able to raise my children and that our family would be a light in a darkened world. Believe what you will but I went home, took a pain pill and cried myself to sleep wondering how I could fulfill that vision for my life if I couldn't be conscious without pain. When I woke up, it was as if it never happened. God as my witness, literally. I am cautious with my back - I don't rollerskate or go bowling any more but for day to day activities, it has never since been a significant problem. If I find my back getting tired and aching, I lie down for a while and it is fine. So there you go.

A few years ago, I started having some disturbing symptoms: dizzy spells, extreme fatigue, blurred vision, difficulty swallowing, my body wouldn't adjust to changing temperatures and my entire body became overly sensitive to pain. My baby sitting on my lap could bring me to tears with a misplaced elbow. My lovely doctor, one of the few I have ever, in my life, liked, ran all kinds of tests. I was very active and pretty darn fit at the time even though I was overweight. We were homesteading and I could work my ashie off all day long until this started. She really thought it was going to be MS, then she really thought it was going to be Lupus. And on and on. We were still investigating with no clear understanding of anything when she left her practice to take over an intern program at a nearby hospital! The traitor. We also moved to Oklahoma from Missouri around this time. I just learned to live with it, basically.

Then one summer, three years ago, the symptoms got a LOT worse. We were homeless at the time (more on that in another post) and living at the lake in a tent. The stress and the heat triggered the worst attack I have had to date. I couldn't walk, could barely swallow, my vision became very blurry. I could barely hold my head up at times and was having difficulty breathing and chest pain. My doctor found a tumor in my thymus gland which is a big indicator for Myasthenia Gravis. He sent me to a surgeon to see if he could remove it because often, removing the tumor relieves the symptoms to a great degree - they don't really know why. The surgeon said he would do it if the neurologist would recommend it. When you have blood clots, nobody wants to cut you - everyone is busily trying to cover their little ashies. Well, long story short and lots of tests later, the neurologist said that I had all the symptoms of MG as well as the tumor but my insurance company (don't even get me started) require a positive result on one certain test - you guessed it, the only one I didn't have a definitive positive on. He said I could appeal it etc etc but they would fight having to pay for the treatment or the surgery. The treatment he was referring to was steroids and immune system suppressants. Damn, I think I'll take the disease, thank you very much. He also didn't believe that the surgery to remove the tumor was worth my high risk unless it grew to a certain size. It grew some but has yet to get that big, thank the Lord.

I have a very rebellious bone when it comes to doctors. Finding a doctor you can really relate to and trust and who listens to you is such a rare thing. Not to mention many seem to think their name is spelled g-o-d. I basically just told em all to shove off and I've just been trying to find ways to deal. This past April, though, the blood clots reared their fugly heads again so I am back on blood thinners. The doctor is trying to put me on several other things as well but I am going to try diet and supplements to see if I can't get a better report from him on my anemia, cholesterol etc at my next visit.

So.... what a sad, sorry tale, eh? Now you see why it is critical that I find a way to lose some weight even though I can barely leave my house in the summer, much less work out. The doc recommends swimming but I can't be outside in the heat and I haven't been able to find an indoor pool in my area. I often can't stand long enough to cook a meal so I am looking for really healthy meals that are very simple to prepare with the help of my willing and sweet 11 year old, Ginibug.

It is also important to me to get my weight and eating habits healthy and under control because my best friend/mother died a little over a year ago from kidney failure as a result of diabetes. She was blind and in a wheel chair from the diabetes as well by the time she died. It was a horrible way to end a brave, strong woman's life. I don't want my kids to have to live through that twice.

I am thinking of making this thread available to registered friends only. Don't want to depress the public at large, now do we. Hmmm. I'll decide later.

Natalie
Have a great day... or don't - it's up to you.

STARTING - THE HARDEST PART

Well, to begin with, I started this blog after reading the blogs of several friends and following links on their blogs to the blogs of complete strangers and finding them all equally fascinating. I didn't know what a blog was until a week ago so I found it fascinating. What a great outlet for all the frustrated writers among us;o) If you follow enough links you are bound to find both something you love or relate to and something that you hate or that offends you. Ain't it great!? I don't know that my blog will interest, entertain or amuse anyone but me but that's okay. I'll have fun doin' it.

It strikes me as kinda funny that the latest rage is ordinary people writing about their everyday lives and other people actually giving a crap about that. I knew I was a "people junkie" but I didn't know there were so many others out there. Scary. So....

I will probably write about my kids and our unschooling, eclectic, laid back, chaotic, perfectly Hodges lifestyle quite a lot. Once in a while, I will get inspired or annoyed enough to write about politics or religion or my philosophies on life in general. I will definitely post poetry, quotes, song lyrics, etc quite frequently. I like the idea of "10 things about me" also so look for those.

There will also be posts about my diet/health quest. I need to keep a food/exercise journal and I might as well do it here. I'll fill you in on the sitch in a later post. This section may end up being private - for members only.

I guarantee you I will post at least once a week about the best TV show ever, Lost, when it's season starts back up again - I am a total Lost Junkie. I don't watch a lot of TV other than lost and a couple of reality shows for the comic relief factor. Dang people can be stupid, can't they?

I guarantee you there will be some bragging. Fair warning8O) I am very proud of my kids and I have one that is a serious singer/songwriter who is on the verge of some great things, I have no doubt. As soon as she gets back from Mizry (Missouri for the uninitiated) I'll get her to record an audio post singing a song. Stay tuned for that - it will be worth the wait. She is auditioning for American Idol this summer so you'll be able to say you heard her here first8o) And no, she is not one of the idiots who attempt to annoy Simon by singing when they ought to just Mime; she can seriously "blow" as Randy would (will?) say. She actually won a contest a couple of years ago even though one of the other contestants was an AI winner who shall remain anonymous - unless you stop to consider that we live in Oklahoma... duh.

Hang in there with me while I sort out what direction I want this thing to go. I want it, above all, to be a place I can be proud to direct friends to who want to keep up with our doings. I want my kids to be proud to direct their friends here, too. So all I ask is that if you comment on anything here, keep it clean please. If I ever post anything that might not be appropriate for kids of 11 or so on up to read, I'll label it accordingly.

Have a great day... or don't - it's up to you.
Natalie

MY TWO FAVORITE POEMS

Warning By: Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick the flowers in other peoples' gardens

And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

Or only bread and pickle for a week

And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

And pay our rent and not swear in the street

And set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
-- Dylan Thomas